So What? If She Has Boyfriend
If she has a boyfriend, what the heck are you going to do? So, if you’re reading this article, one of three of the most likely things has happened:
A) You’ve met a great girl, she has a boyfriend, and you are feeling seriously ticked off and jealous because you know him, and you think he’s not good enough for her.
Doesn’t treat her with respect half the time, mooches off her constantly, etc, and she doesn’t see it. So you’ve come here to find out what to do.
B) You’ve met a great girl, and you don’t know for sure if she has a boyfriend, and you want to figure out how to find out without seeming awkward, or worse, a stalker.
C) The awesome chick in question has a boyfriend, but she’s making obvious noises about wanting to get away from him.
And again, you’re wondering what to do because you don’t want to seem too eager, but at the very least, you want to indicate your interest in her well-being.
Especially if she reports her guy being a total ass but she hasn’t the guts to leave him yet, out of feelings of fear of being alone.
These, and any other situations that might come up are what we’re about to address in this post.
And remember: this stuff doesn’t just happen in high school or college. Relationship stuff can be a roller coaster at any age.
So buckle up, sit tight and learn how to find out if she has a boyfriend, and what to do if your crush has a boyfriend.
Conventional Wisdom Says if she has a boyfriend leave her alone
Typically, if you like a girl whose heart is occupied, you’ll often get told; If she has a boyfriend leave her alone.
Generally, this is good advice, especially if you see her with her man and she is happy. Nobody with any self-respect wants to be the one who breaks up an otherwise good relationship.
Secondly, if you really care that much about the chick you’re crushing on, you’ll love her enough to just be platonic friends, if you can’t stand not hanging out with her, or if you two work together.
On the other hand, you might have just met a girl you really like and aren’t sure if she has a boyfriend or not.
You don’t want to seem awkward, let alone all stalker-like, so how to tell if she has a boyfriend? Well, you have three basic options, two of which are geared towards how to tell if she has a boyfriend without asking her directly:
How To Tell If She Has Boyfriend
How to tell if she has a boyfriend without asking her. This is one question for couples to ask, or should I say would be couples. This leaves most guys baffled when they meet a girl they are interested in. The following points might help you out if you find yourself in this kind of situation.
A) Cop a smooth, surreptitious vibe. Be observant of your surroundings without seeming like you’re listening in to her conversations or watching her behavior.
We know, it can seem tough to do, especially when your first instinct might be all about being straightforward. However, if she is shy, she might not want to reveal her personal life to someone she barely knows.
For example, if you’re on a high school or college campus, and you see her talking with a friend or two, find an excuse to walk by and sit in a spot where you can pretend you’re reading.
It helps, in this case, to smarten up your clothes (no jeans, shoes or shirts with holes in them, at the very least), trim up your beard if you have one, and perhaps use just a dash of a great-smelling cologne or aftershave and have breath mints in your pocket just to be on the safe side.
This way if you overhear that she doesn’t have a boyfriend, you can approach her later, looking (and smelling) great.
Also, from your vantage point under some tree, or on a bench, you can observe who joins your crush’s group to chat at length...or who comes in to take her hand, give her a kiss and walk with her away from the group.
If it’s evident that there’s a man in her life already, you’ll no doubt feel disappointed, but all in all, you might find this method easier to use, especially if you’re shy and really fear rejection.
B) Ask around. If you’re feeling brave enough to ask if your crush has someone special in her life, but not yet brave enough to put your request for a date out in the open with her, you can always ask around.
If you happen to be friends with her brother, or the brother of one of your crush’s best gal pals, you might casually bring up the subject while you’re shooting hoops, working on a car, running through some guitar riffs, or simply having a beer or two.
Check out the following possible interaction.
Todd is head-over-heels crazy about Elizabeth, a girl who shares quite a few classes with him, but he’s nervous as anything about asking her out, because it seems she’s always out the door first, in a rush to get somewhere else.
He has a suspicion that she might have a boyfriend, but he wants to be sure before he proceeds. Interestingly enough, he is good friends with Elizabeth’s brother, Bennett, as they’re in marching band together, and quite often jam in Todd’s garage.
They’re taking a break during one of their many jam sessions, and Todd’s brought out a couple of beers. Here’s how the conversation went down:
Todd: “So, Benny, what’s your sister been up to lately? She and I share classes together, and I was thinking about asking her about tomorrow’s psychology homework, but she always dashes out the classroom door before I can catch up to her.”
Bennett (aka ‘Benny’): “Oh, yeah, that’s our Lizzie. Always the studious one. She caught on real quick to sit in the front in order to do better in school. I take it you’re a sit-in-the-back type?”
Todd: “Yeah. Guess that’s a habit of mine.”
Benny: “Dude, you’ve gotta start sitting in the front to get the grades. Ask me how I know. Being that Lizzie’s my older sister, she kept at me about doing that until she got it through my thick skull.
I ended up passing geometry because I followed her advice. And unless it has to do with music, math is not my strong suit. So, let me ask you straight up: you got a thing for her, don’tcha? Why else would you be asking about her after all this time?”
Todd: “Are you weirded out by that?”
Benny: “Aw, heck no. I think you’d be good for her. However, I gotta warn ya. I think she’s been goin’ out with a guy who could easily win an award for Biggest Foreign Flirt on Campus.
And he’s got Lizzie hook, line and sinker with that accent of his, the way she’s been dancing around the house. And I think they’re gettin’ pretty serious, if they’re not there already. I saw them makin’ out like crazy behind the stadium bleachers.”
Todd: “So it sounds like she’s got a guy already. I’m not gonna say I’m not bummed out about that, but if Mr. Foreign Dude decides to haul off and start wailing on her, physically or emotionally, you can count on me to defend her. Deal?”
“I had a feeling you’d say something like that. Okay, it’s a deal!
Hopefully this conversation gave you some ideas and answers concerning the question of If she has a boyfriend what do I do.
C) Cop an old school, gentlemanly vibe: be up front. “Faint heart never won fair lady.” While it’s an old saying, there’s clearly some truth to it.
We are all so absorbed in our cell phones, tablets and other tech devices that, to many women, asking for a date the “old-fashioned way”--being up front and face-to-face—seems creepy and stalker-ish.
It’s actually a shame, because Internet anonymity does nothing for creating true connections, unless you’re specifically on a dating site geared for niche interests.
And even then, it’s easy for someone to lie out of their rear ends, or hide their dark side in other ways via online interactions.
So, in your quest for a real connection with a girl you like, especially if you work or go to school with her, you clearly want to know if she’s attached. And many times, women deep down appreciate the honesty.
But the ones who have been soured about online dating will appreciate the old-school approach, because they can see your face, read your expressions and body language. After all, it is very difficult to tell who’s sincere and who’s not while online.
Check out the following interaction between Mike and Patty.
Patty has to be one of the most interesting ladies Mike has ever met. She shares his love of baseball, is not afraid to be competitive in much of anything, and knows her way around a spreadsheet program like nobody’s business.
Her confidence, paired with looking fantastic in her no-nonsense-but-still-feminine pantsuits, has Mike riveted with more than just friendly interest.
But as soon as the clock ticks over to the five o’clock hour, Patty is out the office door and on her way across town to help coach an inner-city Little League team.
Mike can’t find a way to catch up to her after work, so he has to find time during the lunch hour.
He wakes up one morning, puts on his best suit and tie, screws up his courage, figures out the best opening lines he can think of, and the following scene happens later that day during lunch:
Mike: “Hey, Patty. Fantastic job during the meeting today. I think the boss was really impressed with how organized your information was. I think I’d have had an epic fail in there. I’m better with words than numbers.”
Patty: “Aw, that’s so sweet of you, Mike. And yeah, you’re right. I think I nailed that presentation.”
Mike: “You absolutely did, and I think you’re worthy of that promotion the boss has been dangling in front of everyone’s noses. Too bad I’m not your boss. I’d put you in the top spot right now.”
Patty: “Why, Mike, that is truly flattering. Put in a good word for me, will ya?”
Mike: “Any time, Patty. So, you have anything going on tonight? I know you go off and coach that Little League team downtown. You’re clearly proud of those kids and how well they’re doing.
I can see it by the pictures you have on your desk. But I’m just wondering if you have an evening free at some point, we could catch a game together. Unless you have a boyfriend that helps you coach the team, that is. If so, forget I asked.”
Patty (jaw dropping): “Wow, Mike. That’s the first time any guy has been that up front with me in a truly gentlemanly way. Most other guys who’ve asked me out are the dads of some of the kids I coach, but they always have this creepy vibe of wanting to get to home base with me before a date can even happen.
So, no, I don’t have a boyfriend, and I appreciate you getting up the guts to ask me out. Plus, I’ve been kinda wondering about maybe hanging out with you after work, anyway. So, yeah, heading to a baseball game with you would be pretty awesome.”
They discuss upcoming game times and ticket prices, and for the time being, agree to “go Dutch,” just because it’s a first date.
Risky Business- If She Has A Boyfriend Should I Tell Her I Like Her
Now, you might be wondering, Even if she has a boyfriend, should I tell her I like her? That’s pretty risky territory, especially if you have this feeling she’s happy with her guy.
However, you can always phrase things in such a way that will let her know you’re someone she can confide in should things go wrong. Sharing confidences works best if you two share more than one interest beyond work or school.
Try something like this:
“I’m here as a friend, if you ever need a listening ear and your guy has suddenly gone deaf where your feelings are concerned, and your gal pals are totally AWOL.”
If you’ve already established a friendly connection with her, she may find your platonic offer of help truly sweet.
Even so, tread carefully. An offer to program your number into her phone, even just as a work or school-mate contact, could be seen as threatening from her guy’s perspective, if he happens to see her contact list.
Of course, if you happen to meet the boyfriend in question, and he does come off as overly jealous and controlling, there might be your chance to be the additional source of help your crush might need to break away from her guy if she wants to.
Just be gentle with her in the months afterward, should she choose to break up with him. She may be too skittish at first to think about taking another chance on love, let alone a romance with you.
Other Risky Issues
One question that comes up most often from guys is, if she has a boyfriend why does she text me? That is a very excellent question, and one you might want to gently pose to her, particularly in a private area where a potentially jealous boyfriend can’t see either of you.
Her reasons could be as follows:
And she’s trying to get a cool, level-headed perspective, as opposed to relying on her girlfriends, who, while being concerned about her, may take an overly emotional all-or-nothing approach.
(E.g. “Ugh! Just dump the guy! Who needs jerks like him anyway?”) She may be texting you because, if you’re friends, you’re a guy she trusts, and the idea of going to a therapist sounds too clinical.
To her, right now, you’re the closest thing she has to a brother, especially if she doesn’t have brothers. Of course, you want to be seen as more than that, but right now, she needs to keep communication with you “on the down-low.”
- If she has a boyfriend but likes you, sweet, mildly flirty banter is a way of keeping in contact with you beyond work or school that looks relatively innocent.
But how do you stay honorable, especially if the question; if she has a boyfriend can she still like me; is running through your head?
Let her know that while you appreciate her flirty texts, and you’d reciprocate them if you felt comfortable doing so.
The truth is, you wish to see her go through the proper motions of breaking up with her current boyfriend and healing from the process before going forward with any kind of romance between you.
She may not like the answer at first, but deep down, she’ll respect you a lot more than if you just give in.
- She’s running her boyfriend through a “shit test” to see just how jealous he’ll actually get if she talks to someone she knows likes her as more than a friend.
The chances of her being honest about this are slim. But at the same time, she may be doing it because she’s feeling neglected and doesn’t know how to genuinely ask her guy for affection.
Or she’s genuinely asked for affection, and he doesn’t know how to truly give it. In any case, this is not the best situation, since the boyfriend in question could easily come around and do some damage either to her, or to you.
- She could easily be toying with your heart, knowing you like her as more than a friend.
And “dangling” her very taken self in front of you via text messages, only to appear all cozy with her man the minute he comes to pick her up from school or work.
If this seems to be the case, you might want to re-think being around her at all.
Finding out whether your crush does or does not have a boyfriend can be one of the most awkward or elated feelings in the world, depending on the situation.
If she has a boyfriend, you’re blocked from having the chance to really know her the way you want to.
If she doesn’t, well, obviously, you’re in the clear. Knowing how to find out for sure is also part of the problem, which is part of why you’re here in the first place, right? Right.
And yeah, finding out she has a guy in her life already can make you feel like a fool for not telling her how you feel soon enough, if she went for some time without a significant other, and she knows you exist.
Of course, it could easily be you are “not her type.” Perhaps she has said as much, and has politely suggested that you get on with your life. Major ouch, right there, especially if you put your heart on the line by asking her out.
But the fact you came to this article for some pointers on what to do if your crush has a boyfriend is a step in the right direction towards learning to cope with the ups and downs of dating and looking for someone to love.